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Falling for an Escort

It does happen, very rarely, that an escort and a client fall in love and live happily ever after. I know at least three escorts who are married to or in a long-term relationship with men they have met as clients. I guess it’s only natural that it happens occasionally – after all, people gotta meet somewhere. You hear about people marrying their postmen and barristas, so why not their escorts/clients?

But, the vast majority of the time, this situation is a no-goer. Both parties – especially the escorts – generally try to keep firm boundaries in place. We are providing a fantasy. Our clients are paying us to act as if we like them and find them adorable, fascinating and sexy. Even if we do like them and find them adorable and sexy we are going to be putting on an act in which our own needs and feelings are very much secondary to the client’s. We’re not allowed to have a bad day or make you watch chick flicks while eating a takeaway. Even if a client asks to book us to watch movies and eat takeaway, it’s going to be his Netflix and Chill fantasy being played out.

There was a time when escorts wouldn’t kiss and the entire transaction was rather mechanical. Now, the “girlfriend experience” has become pretty much the norm and the pressure to put on a flawless performance is high. The escort should not be seen glancing at the clock, should not answer calls or texts during the booking and should seem delighted to listen to whatever the client wants to talk about. To let the mask slip reminds the client that he is just one booking out of many and is only there because he has paid to be there.

A convincing act can become confusing for many clients. There are some lonely men out there, sometimes with poor social skills, and they can get the wrong idea very quickly. Most escorts have learned to keep firm boundaries in place. For example, if he texts “just to say hi” and ask how she’s doing, she may ignore him or answer with a brisk, “I’m great, thanks! Do you want to make a booking?” If he starts to get a little too comfortable and lie there on the bed, talking, after his hour is up she may get impatient and say, “I’m sorry, but I need to get ready for my next booking.” I have lost count of the times an escort has complained of having to lose a steady-paying regular because he was getting too clingy. She may attempt to put him back in line, but this rarely works. Either his pride is hurt and he’ll slink off or he’ll just continue to pester her until she can’t tolerate it any longer and he become a full-blown stalker.

I have to say that I have never really had one of these problem clients. In fact, I don’t have too many regular regulars – that is, no men come to see me on a monthly basis for a long time. I certainly get repeat clients – visiting me when I happen to be in their area and seeing me perhaps two or three times per year – but very few have visited me three times in as many months. I think that’s because I have a way of deflecting potential cling-ons and keeping them at arm’s length. I remember when I worked in a massage parlour in California years ago, every Valentine’s Day, other girls would go home with armloads of teddy bears, chocolates, flowers and jewelry from their regulars. I never inspired that sort of devotion and I can’t say I’ve regretted it.

But, escorts are just like anybody else and they may wish to meet someone who cares about them for who they are. It’s very difficult to date when you dread telling people what you do for a living. So, sometimes an escort may think, “Well, we get on really well. He’s nice to me. And he already knows what I do for a living so I don’t have to worry about him judging me for that.” And sometimes it works out fine, as in the case of my three friends. But, sometimes, it doesn’t. While there are men who genuinely don’t feel possessive and understand what escorting really is, there are others who think, “If she met me in a booking and fell in love with me, who’s to say she won’t fall in love with one of her other clients?”

Sometimes, clients assume that she will quit escorting if she is going to be with him, but asking anyone to give up their livelihood for you is generally not a good idea. Is he going to replace her income? If he’s supporting her, will he feel as if he has some say in what she does with her life? White knights with rescue fantasies can often become very controlling. And I suppose in turn there are escorts-turned-sugar-babies who can be conniving and greedy. After all, their relationship began as a financial arrangement in which both parties sought to get what they wanted out of the other.

When an escort feels as if she may be falling for a client, the advice other escorts will generally give her is “Tell him that, yes, you’ll date him but you want a courtship period with no sex for a while.” I think that this is sound advice. I’m pretty sure that many of the men who ask them “to go out for dinner sometime, as friends” are not only looking for greater intimacy than they can get in a booking, they are also looking to save money. Being told that a date means no sex often throws cold water on the idea and he loses interest. But if he is genuinely interested in getting to know her as a person, he should be willing to treat her like any other woman he wants to date and not expect sex until a certain level of trust has been established.

I don’t know what advice to give a client who has fallen for an escort. I guess I would say that the odds are against you and you’d probably be better off distancing himself from her and forgetting about her.

But if you want to take the chance then you should consider:

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– How well do you know her? How many times have you seen her? Does she volunteer information about herself? Does she reply positively to your chatty “how are you?” texts? Does she seem perfectly happy to let you hang around after your booking? If you’ve been seeing someone for a while and she genuinely seems to like you, then I guess you can risk asking her if she’d like to go to dinner “just as friends, no sex.”

– How do you feel about her having sex with lots of other men? Would you expect her to quit doing that in order to be with you? If so, then you need to think about how that would practically work. Remember that even if she initially thinks it would be preferable to let you support her so that she can quit escorting, such things can turn very sour down the road.

It’s important to remember that you are only seeing one side of her – her best side. A relationship means seeing her at her worst. Ill, tired, cranky, stressed, slobbing about in tracksuit bottoms… nagging you about wet towels on the floor. It’s all very different from the smiling girl in stockings and lingerie who you’re meeting for bookings. Making the leap to that sort of intimacy is hard for everyone, but perhaps it is even harder when it’s an escort you’re falling for.

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