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How to book an escort

We know a lot of the people we get on Vivastreet are new to escorting and to booking escorts. So, I had a chat with Kimberly C about how men (or ladies) should go about booking an escort on the phone.

The podcast audio file is here. How to book an escort on the phone.

But, here’s the transcript.

Read it. Heed her words.



Vivastreet Damian: Hello and welcome to the third episode of the Vivastreet Podcast. I am here with the constantly pleasurable Kimberly C. How are you this morning Kimberly?

Kimberly: Oh I’m fine. I’m fine. We had a lot of fun setting up our tech, our microphones.

Vivastreet Damian: You see, in a few weeks when this gets to be on the top of the iTunes charts we can employ technical people to set all of this stuff up for us.

Kimberly: Okay. Will they clean and make me team while they’re here?

Vivastreet Damian: Oh God yeah. Of course.

Kimberly: All right. Well I like that.

Vivastreet Damian: Okay.

Kimberly: All right.

Vivastreet Damian: Now, today what I’d like to talk to you about is how to get in touch with an escort and how to book an escort politely and nicely. Because there’s a couple of different options that people have, depending where they find the escorts advertising. I wanted to know what you would recommend people do.

Kimberly: Well, it’s not even really about being polite and nice, although it is. What I want to talk about is how to contact an escort so that you actually get a booking. It can be surprisingly hard to book an escort. Here we are, we’re showing our bits on the internet, extolling our virtues and vices and practically begging you to please come and give us your money. Then you get on the phone and you start calling and an hour later you don’t have a booking. You can’t get a lady on the phone. Somehow they all tell you they’re booked up. Sometimes they’ll just put the phone down on you.

It can be hard, harder than you might think to book an escort, even an old bag like myself can be hard to book with. I may be busy, busier than you might imagine. Some girls busy might be that’s just a couple of bookings. Some girls might actually be booked back to back, sun up to sun down and you can’t even get a look in.

Vivastreet Damian: Let’s actually stop for a second and talk about the telephone because some websites and some services, Vivastreet included, will have an option where you can message or email the girl through the website. Now, I have seen some of the messages that get sent, which will be things like sex.

Kimberly: I see them, about a week later. I don’t even check my email. I don’t have time. I’m a very busy, in demand old bag and I don’t even read the emails. The people who see me are the ones who get on the phone and call.

Vivastreet Damian: There we are. That’s the first point, is actually calling or texting something.

Kimberly: There are some girls that want to be emailed. They’re usually the high end, cortisan types. You book them a couple of weeks in advance and exchange long, flowery emails discussing what sort of scented candles you like. I’m not one of them so I don’t know. Yeah, definitely pick up the phone. Get on your phone. You want to text them or call them.

Vivastreet Damian: Is there a preference to call or text?

Kimberly: For me, no. For many girls, yes. There are a handful of girls I know, people I know, who just hate to speak on the phone. There are a great many girls who do not take texts at all, except after you’ve made a booking. Then you can talk about the address or make little messages saying running late. I don’t care, but some girls do not like texts at all, which can be hard to get ahold of her if you want to see her at 1:00 this afternoon. Since no decent escort will answer her phone during a booking you might not be able to get … I’ve heard …

Vivastreet Damian: Hang on one second darling. No, you can’t do that.

Kimberly: It happens. It happens.

Vivastreet Damian: No Kimberly, no.

Kimberly: I hear stories of girls answering the phone while in doggy style.

Vivastreet Damian: No.

Kimberly: Yeah it happens.

Vivastreet Damian: You’re shattering the magic for me.

Kimberly: I’m sorry. I don’t do that. I promise, I will never, I’m not even having sex to you now. I mean, I’m not having sex while I’m talking to you now I promise.

Vivastreet Damian: I am a little bit. Okay, so let’s do this. Let’s break it down. Let’s do text first. I want to book you via text message and I’m going to send something like how r u bb? Do u wnt sex? How would that work? How will that go down?

Kimberly: You will have very briefly annoyed me with a pinging noise on my phone and that will be the end of it. I will not reply to that message.

Vivastreet Damian: Would that go straight to block?

Kimberly: Yeah. Yeah.

Vivastreet Damian: What should someone do?

Kimberly: Well, okay, I get a surprising number of texts like that. I don’t want to see someone that just sounds like a dyslexic Ali G. No. Yeah. What you want to do when you text a girl is the first thing we just alluded to, is you want to use proper English. Decent spelling. Obviously we have smartphones that predictive text. I’m not talking about being grammar perfect but you do want to use basic standard English with grammar, punctuation, capital letters. Use proper sentences, all right? Definitely not text speak.

You’d be surprised how many texts I get a day that literally are the letter R, the letter U working.

Vivastreet Damian: I wonder whether some of that has to do with guys using a burner phone that’s not a smart phone? That they are having to use the old T9.

Kimberly: They might be. I could understand that but you know what?

Vivastreet Damian: No excuse.

Kimberly: Your thumbs are going to have to work a little harder than that. That’s all. I would also recommend, I know this sounds crazy but I find the best quality clients will say my name when they text me. You say hi Kim. Hello Kim. Good morning Kim. Otherwise we kind of get the feeling that maybe you were copying and pasting the same text to every single person you can find on Vivastreet just hoping someone or anyone will answer. Now it is a way to book an escort, it works for some guys, but it helps you look a little more sincere and maybe you’ve bothered to read my profile because you’ve at least figured out my name. That’s helpful.

You should make a concise and specific request. Some people ask the daftest things like what’s your availability today? Well I don’t know. What time do you want? All right, so say are you available this afternoon? Are you available around lunch time for an hour’s in call? Just say what you’re looking for.

Vivastreet Damian: Sure, but not in terms of details of the service that you’re after. Just the time that we’re talking about. Availability rather than specifics of what you might want in the booking right?

Kimberly: You know, I guess there’s two ways to look at that. I have had texts saying things like are you available for a GFE in call at lunch time? I guess if you really need to know do you have vintage nylon stockings, go ahead and ask that so we don’t waste each other’s time. Yeah, you can do that. Then I would say sign off with your own names. I would say the best kind of text is hello Kim. Saw your advert on Vivastreet. That’s good. Let us know where you found our number. I saw your advert on Vivastreet. Are you available around lunch time for an hour in call? Bill.

Vivastreet Damian: What happens if you don’t hear back?

Kimberly: Well, you might not hear back because I might not be working that day. We might be in bookings. I will reply to a text, if someone texts me around, I have this idea of people working nine to five I guess. If someone, I will text within the same general time of day. If I see that someone is texting me at 2:00 in the morning I’m not going to answer that because you were probably drunk and high at two in the morning and I’m of no use to you at 10:00 AM. Maybe you texted at 10:00 AM and I’ve just got back to my phone around 12:00. I will text back.

I probably missed you, you probably found someone else but yeah, I won’t text back … I tell you, I won’t text back if someone is texting me at 4:30 wanting to know if I’m available because he’s probably looking for something on the way home from work and I don’t see that message till tea time, I’m not going to text him during tea time. That’s just a little, that could be indiscreet.

Vivastreet Damian: Oh, okay, so in case he’s with his family.

Kimberly: Yeah. Yeah. Generally if it’s been awhile she might not reply at all, or some girls just can’t be arsed. Some people just they’ve got their bookings and they’re done. I don’t know what to tell you about that. It’s not polite but that happens.

Vivastreet Damian: Okay. What about getting more details about specifically about your address or where you are? How do you go about doing that?

Kimberly: You should do that as soon as possible. You should ask about what kind of, if you have specific requests you should do that early. Bill wants to know if I’m available around lunch time for an hour. I say yeah, Bill. I am available. What time exactly would you like? He could say well, I was thinking 12:30. Whereabouts are you located and do you have stockings and suspenders? Get that out of the way now.

What you don’t want to do is make your booking and then on your way to the booking start bringing up things you want. Like hey, do you have fuzzy bunny eared slippers or something? It’s like well know, I don’t. How do I know you’re not just going to turn the car around in disgust and go home because I don’t have these things. Just find out, be concise, be to the point. I will say don’t ask for the address. Never say what is your address. You can say whereabouts are you, which indicates what part of town am I going to be driving to.

Vivastreet Damian: Okay, why not?

Kimberly: You don’t need our address until we’ve decided to see you.

Vivastreet Damian: Okay.

Kimberly: I mean, I’m not a B&Q.

Vivastreet Damian: Yeah, yeah, yeah. It’s a bit stalkery.

Kimberly: Well, it’s just you’ll get my address when I’ve decided we’ll meet. Especially if a girl’s in a hotel and it’s very, very common they’ll say hi, what hotel are you in? Well you don’t need to know that yet.

Vivastreet Damian: Yeah, yeah, yeah, so it’s safety concern as well then?

Kimberly: Yeah, it’s a safety and discretion concern. I mean obviously once she says I’d love to see you at 12:00 Bill. I’ll be wearing my stockings and suspenders.

Vivastreet Damian: And my furry bunny slippers.

Kimberly: There you go. Then say great, where am I going? Where are you? Some girls can be really cagey. They’ll say call me from outside the War Memorial on the square while you’re facing the fountain. They’re going to do this Bourne Identity thing. I just give them, I’ll give them an address. Now, some people say what’s your post code because they just want to look on Google Maps and see if you’re convenient for them. I give them the post code for something across the street.

Vivastreet Damian: Sure.

Kimberly: I give them a nearby post code. That’s good enough.

Vivastreet Damian: Seems sensible. Say you do want to have a conversation on the telephone. I know it’s crazy and old fashioned using a telephone to actually speak to somebody and not play Angry Birds or Tinder. Say you want to call. What’s some advice about that?

Kimberly: I think it’s great to call. It’s better to call. Really it is. Some girls, sometimes if I’m not sure, if Bill hasn’t quite written the most perfect text I might say yeah Bill, I’m available. Call me. Because when you talk to someone on the phone you should be able to gauge what kind of person am I talking to. I listen to whether or not people sound happy and well adjusted. Then you should too.

Vivastreet Damian: You should be, I imagine when there’s some gentlemen callers that would be treating the telephone call as if it was costing three pounds a minute.

Kimberly: There’s that. Well, I’ll tell you what a lot of, oh, I know what you mean. Yeah. Talk in a normal tone of voice. I know this sounds daft but you should call an escort and speak to her the same way you would call and book your car in for an MOT. You do not need to purr. You don’t need to be like oh hello Kimberly.

Vivastreet Damian: That is my normal voice.

Kimberly: I know. I have to say, now I have a rule. I try to make people laugh. If I can get you to laugh I’ll see you.

Vivastreet Damian: Sure.

Kimberly: Because people who are angry and full of guilt and shame and misery, they can’t laugh. You would be okay but I’d make you laugh because you have, your voice is a little too, I don’t know. Yeah. You don’t want to sound like Hannibal Lector or anything. I’m sure you could try. Let me hear you go hello Kimberly.

Vivastreet Damian: Hello Kimberly. Fine Chiani and some fava beans.

Kimberly: Phone is down. Phone is down. Before you even hear the disconnect I’m hitting the block app. That’s it.

Vivastreet Damian: You can’t punish me for my dulcet natural tones Kimberly. Okay, so I don’t purr. What else shouldn’t I do?

Kimberly: Well, you know, lay off on flattery. I’m thinking about oh hello darling. I just love your photos. You sound like a con man. You’re going to sell me to a pyramid scheme. You’re up to something. You don’t have to flatter. You say hey Kim, I saw your profile on Vivastreet and really like your photos. Are you available? You want to have an honest, straightforward, you don’t have, so don’t leave flattery. I’ll tell you what, this is my personal bug bear. The ones that do that, that are like oh hello Kimberly. Oh, love your photos. Oh I just love your accent. I don’t know why but being told they love my accent just bugs me. I mean it’s better than hating my accent. The guys who say that are just kind of creepy.

Also, going hello baby or babe. Vivastreet Damian, you probably would never call anyone baby but there are people out there that are like hi baby. I don’t know a woman alive that doesn’t just want to scream and hurl her phone across the room like it’s a spider if a man does that.

Vivastreet Damian: Good advice gentlemen listeners. Good advice.

Kimberly: No, you just talk like you talk to, I don’t know if you’re calling customer service. Don’t be angry. Just talk normal.

Vivastreet Damian: Yeah, yeah. Like you’re booking any, doing any business transaction. You wouldn’t be like that booking a taxi or a restaurant reservation right?

Kimberly: Oh hello. I’d really like you to come and build me an extension.

Vivastreet Damian: Do you have a table at 8:00 for two people?

Kimberly: Exactly. That’s just grim.

Vivastreet Damian: No, this is McDonald’s so we don’t take bookings.

Kimberly: No. I barely take bookings. I’d rather just queue up and I can yell next.

Vivastreet Damian: Yeah. Now I have heard that some girls get a bit frustrated about constant questions about stuff that’s already on the profile, on their advert.

Kimberly: I know and I try to remember that sometimes the blood is not in your big head when you’re on the phone. It can be very nerve wracking. I give people a bit of a pass. It’s best not to ask really daft things. One that gets me is what are your rates? I would think that next to like, you’re going to look at the photos. You like the photos. The next thing you should look at is the rates. I do a really dumb thing. They’ll go so how much do you charge for half an hour? I’ll say 160 pounds. Then they’ll always say well, it says here it’s 100 pounds. Well, that’s the rate for people who can read.

I don’t know. It’s okay. She might have made this long jibberishy list of services she does or something. I don’t think it’s a big crime but I do know girls, and I’ve watched my tour buddies. That’s on my profile. That’s on my profile. That’s on my profile. Well, come on. Give them a break. A friend of mine told me she used to advertise back in the days of little one line adverts in the back of a local newspaper. The guy would call up, he’d have no idea. He was just told there was a mahogany chest for sale or something. She had to give him a spiel.

You give them a spiel like oh yes, I offer a full girlfriend experience and blah blah. Just recite that spiel. Then, I don’t know. I’m a little bit patient but I kind of have a three question rule. After the third do you have high heels? Yes I do. I always wear high heels. Do you do this, that and the other? I do. Then after the third question I’ll just be like all right, that’s it. I’ll often say I’m very sorry, you have exceeded your daily allotment of questions. Please call back another day.

Vivastreet Damian: Or it might be that they’re just pleasuring themselves.

Kimberly: Yeah sometimes they’re breathing a little funny. Yeah. Don’t breathe funny on the phone. Don’t do that. We don’t like it.

Vivastreet Damian: Yeah, and also it’s taking up your time when there could be other people trying to actually book you and not just sit there.

Kimberly: Well yeah. I mean these little phone calls, they sap energy that I could be giving to someone else.

Vivastreet Damian: Sure.

Kimberly: Yeah, but do your best. Try not to ask too many stupid questions. Just read the profile. It’s okay. If you have any specific questions that are not on her profile ask before you make the booking. Don’t wait until you’re booked in to then request specific clothes and services. Just after she’s said yes and here is my address is not the time to say and do you wear a chicken costume because that’s just wasting everyone’s time. I’ll just cancel a booking if I think he’s doing that.

Vivastreet Damian: Seems utterly sensible Kimberly. Gentlemen and/or ladies, there you have it. Use proper English. Use her name, be concise. Be polite on the phone and don’t play with yourself when you’re talking to her.

Kimberly: That’s my job. That’s my job.

Vivastreet Damian: That sums up the last 18 minutes I think absolutely perfectly Kimberly.

Kimberly: All right.

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