Home / Uncategorized / 20 Things Only a Professional Masseuse Will Understand…

20 Things Only a Professional Masseuse Will Understand…

[emc2pdc id=”279″] 1.

Preparing for a massage does not mean asking for a bed bath.

 

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2.

Aromatherapy oils are there to help you relax, not to mask your BO.

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3.

A hand massage is not a hand-job.

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4.

You night have great thumbs but this is not a two-way thing. I do the massaging. We do not take turns.

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5.

When you ask for a ‘Happy Ending’ are you referring to Disney or something else?

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6.

No, your colon does not need a massage. You need a colonic or a GP or something else altogether.

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7.

Sex noises should be reserved for your inner monologue.

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8.

‘Deep Tissue’ is not a euphemism.

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9.

Yes, a ‘professional masseuse’ does mean I graduated with actual skills.

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10.

The ultimate massage technique is Spock’s Vulcan Death Grip but using it is forbidden. Shame.

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11.

It’s not supposed to hurt. You don’t get a refund for not feeling like you’ve been slammed by a steamroller.

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12.

Nudity is perfectly acceptable, yours, not mine.

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13.

No I don’t want to be in your ‘massage selfie.’

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14.

It’s OK to tell me what you want. It’s not OK to tell me how to do my job.

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15.

Just assume that I think your tattoos are epic, we don’t need to actually talk about them.

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16.

Ask for some work on your piriformis or glutes. Don’t say, ‘Rub my butt.’

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17.

Erections are actually a compliment.

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18.

Ironically, so are farts.

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19.

But going to sleep is the best compliment a client can pay…

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20.

Unless it’s a tip. Tips are always welcome.

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