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Where can I go if I’m horny in London?

If you’re here, you’re probably looking for a sexy night out. Not one of those ‘roses and candles followed by a romantic shag’ nights out, but a night where sexy play is the first thing on the menu and roses are entirely optional. Some of you might jump straight to the idea of London escorts but that isn’t the only option when you’re horny in London. I’m talking swingers’ clubs and fetish nights, where you can let your hair (and potentially your knickers) down.

As someone who has dipped in and out of the fetish scene, and been to a few private parties and swinger’s nights, I know it can be pretty nervewracking.

After all, there are a million things to consider before you set off – what should I wear? What are the rules? Can I just turn up on my own or do I need a companion? And, of course, ‘can I bring my own booze?’

I’m going to give you a rundown of some of the hot things you can see and do in London, from my own perspective. For the record, I’ve been to many events of these types, although I haven’t been to all one of the clubs listed – they’re just there to give you ideas.

My favourite – the F club – appears to have shut down now, causing me to weep with misery that I’d never again get beaten and groped by a bunch of my close friends while a guy stood nearby and masturbated in a nappy.

Still, there are plenty of other options…

Kinky/Fetish events

Broadly, Kink and Fetish events fall into two categories: munches and play. A munch is a meet and greet – usually held in a pub or cafe – where people with similar sexual tastes can get together and chat about their favourite spanking implements.

Munches

The first ever London Munch I went to was in a downstairs pub near Aldgate, many years ago. I wore jeans, a jumper, and an expression of complete terror. Not because I was scared of the kinky people (on the contrary, my knickers were wet with the thought of how many hot Dominant guys might be mingling in the crowd) but because I was worried I wouldn’t fit in.

I needn’t have. Not only are Munches incredibly friendly places, but they are usually run by someone who is keen to get you involved. If you’re arriving on your own, a quick email to the organisers to let them know you’re coming and that you’re a newbie means they’ll usually make a beeline for you when you arrive and introduce you to a few of the regulars.

Unlike in a club, where there’ll be people playing and you might feel under pressure to join in, a Munch isn’t about the play.

So you’ll find yourself in conversations with lots of people about their kinks and desires, but you won’t feel like you need to pick up a paddle or bend over a spanking bench if you want to be accepted.

Dos and Don’ts

Do: smile, relax, and introduce yourself.

Don’t: start spanking people. It’s not that kind of event.

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Munches and similar events in London:

The London Munch is a staple favourite – they don’t update their website frequently, but they are now on Twitter and the Putney Munch is still going strong

You could also check out the LAM (London Alternative Market), which runs on the first Sunday of every month, and is a great place to peruse and buy all kinds of fetish equipment as well as meet likeminded people – not technically a munch, but a great way to dip your toe in the water.

If you want to push the boat out and get a bit dressed up, you could also try the Camden Crunch, which I’ve never been to myself but I’m told sits somewhere in between a club and a munch.

Fetish clubs

These do what they say on the tin: clubs for likeminded people to socialise and play. The level and type of play depends on the club.

I’ve been to some places where it was fairly free and easy – you just walk up to the play equipment (I’d always gravitate towards spanking benches, St Andrews Crosses, and similar things that I’d buy if I were a pervy millionaire with my own sex dungeon).

Others have a specific theme, such as Club Pedestal which is all about female domination.

Usually clubs like this will have distinct areas – the ‘play’ areas and the socialising areas If it’s your first visit, I’d recommend hanging out in the social area for a bit – chat to some people who look regular, introduce yourself, and if they’re up for it ask them to give you a tour.

The best way to get a feel for the place is to let a regular walk you round – they should be able to give you an overview of the ground rules (where you can and can’t play, how to politely ask if you can join in, all that jazz).

The first fetish club I ever went to, at the tender age of twenty, had a beautiful young house submissive – a lithe and pale-looking boy who not only bought me a drink but helped me lace myself into my corset.

That’s what I call service.

As a newbie, one of the key questions in my mind was: can I fuck here? After a good spanking I’m always keen for a fuck. For me, BDSM is foreplay, and I rarely do it just for the sake of enjoying the delicious slapping sounds.

Some fetish clubs do let you fuck, and you’ll probably see a few couples going at it. But many don’t – after all, some of that equipment’s really expensive and they don’t necessarily want fifty couples jizzing over it.

Dos and Don’ts

Do: ask questions, and study the website/rules thoroughly before you do. It’ll give you a lot more confidence when you’re there and mean you don’t have to worry about what you can and can’t do.

Don’t: just join in. Just because people are exhibitionists, doesn’t mean they want to be touched by everyone watching. Keep a respectful distance from the couples playing, unless they’ve expressly said you can join in.

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Fetish clubs in London:

Life’s too short to list them all, but you might like to try one of these: Club Subversion (check out their tips for first-timers and get in touch if you fancy it!).

Toppers Club also has a ‘welcoming newbies’ policy, so they’ll show you around if you’re shy.

Club Rub is based in North London, and holds regular themed events, so if there’s a particular fetish you’d like to explore, check out their upcoming events and see if yours is on the list!

Swingers clubs

Let’s get one thing straight: swingers clubs – in my experience – bear very little resemblance to the Louis Theroux documentaries you might have seen, for the simple fact that Louis Theroux doesn’t have enough hours in the day to visit all the different types of club – and there are plenty.

The ones I’ve been to tend to have had a fairly run-down, working-men’s-club vibe. Pool tables, bars, groups of people cracking jokes with each other, and often an inexplicable and rubbish buffet in the corner of the room.

No idea why, but it used to be a running joke amongst my friends that you could tell which clubs were for fucking by the presence of a plate of cheesy Wotsits and some dry egg sandwiches.

My experience isn’t definitive, though – there are other kinds of swinger’s clubs that have a much more glamorous – and ‘exclusive’ feel. Ones which you apply for in advance and you only get in if they deem you to be conventionally attractive.

Personally I’m not a fan of these. As a good friend of mine put it: why would I want to fuck someone who made me fill out a ‘hotness application form’ first? If that’s your bag, though, there’s a suggestion below.

Dos and Don’ts

Rules for these clubs are similar to fetish clubs: don’t just join in, always ask and respect people’s right to tell you ‘no’.

Dress codes vary from place to place, but you can’t usually go wrong with smart casual. Best to check the website, though, because it’ll be incredibly embarrassing if you turn up in jeans and it’s actually fancy dress night.

Do: dress sexy, and shower before you get there.

Don’t: think that just because you’ve done the above, you’ll be drowning in sex the minute you walk in – make an effort, flirt, and ask politely.

Swinger’s events in London:

The Hellfire Club combines swinging and fetish, if you’re like me and enjoy a bit of both. Killing Kittens is one of the ones which requires application and acceptance – not my kind of thing but it may well be yours: http://www.killingkittens.com/intro/

Whether you start off with a casual munch or dive straight in with a trip to a club, I can’t guarantee that every night will live up to your wildest dreams.

What I can tell you, though, is that the unpredictable nature of sex nights means you’ll never ever be bored.

Since I started going to these events, no two experiences have ever been the same. Lying in a darkened box and having strangers reach in to touch me; having my partner use me as a demo model to teach a brand new guy how to spank; getting pissed on cheap wine and having my feet rubbed by submissives – just a few of the impromptu play sessions that I’ve been lucky enough to share.

And that’s before you take into account the many hours I’ve spent chatting filth to new friends, and staring excitedly as gorgeous people spank and fuck each other into the early hours of the morning.

So go – pick a club, check out their website, and get a date in your diary. Start building the same happy memories…

Have any more clubs you could recommend? Let us know is the comments or via Twitter: @VivaAdult_UK & @girlonthenet

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About Girl on the net

2 comments

  1. Really nice post. I have been to a few fetish parties but prefer the high end clubs that mix the two together like mentioned.

    I highly recommend Club Hermione if your looking for a very classy, ugh end and intimate swinging experience.

    I will have to give the others a try 🙂

    xxx

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